I know I shouldn't want to be a robot. But I can't help it sometimes.
Not feeling anything sometimes feels like a better option...
When you can do nothing about the situation, and the next step is in someone's hands, when they fight tooth and nail to avoid any resolution, or decision, and decide to wait it out till it sorts itself out. Sometimes the madness of the void feels better than the dizzying dance of the tilt-o-whirl.
But even though I can't see the spinning, I still feel the spinning sickness, creeping from my heart, even though I choose not to feel the thrills and twists, I can't honestly say I feel better. I can't say I'm happy now, but I feel "bet-ter."
Bet-ter, because I no longer have the clutter of emotions distracting me.
But when I have no distraction, bad to mad. Back to Bad.
So really I'm no better off either way. But the ability to fake it through a day, sometimes has to take precedence over the easy breakdown.
But I don't want to devalue or dismiss everything. But, it is one day at time at this point. One day at a time; it's all I have energy fore. One day at a time; it's all I've got money for. One day at a time; it's all I can manage right now.
Art is my forward motion. As uninspired as I feel, I've got to try, otherwise I will completely stagnate.
No comments:
Post a Comment