Pain pt. 1

Have you ever had someone fear you? Not because you were necessarily a scary person, but just because you reminded them of someone they knew, or thought they knew? Was it because you had similar tastes, or was it the fact you are, no matter how hard you try to fool yourself, only human? Did it ever make you angry when they tried to change you, help you with your problems, when they couldn't even admit they ever had any problems in the first place?

Have you ever lost what you thought was everything, only to find to your horror, that you were still breathing? And then found out you still had something left. Not much, but something. Then, did you find that something betrayed you; vanished, faded, and broke? And yet, you still keep on breathing.

Have you ever found out the truth of a situation, and found that you were screwed no matter what you did? You'd be cast as a villain in eyes, of people who cared about you, no matter, what, you did? Did you find that a decision would be made with or without you, and the blame would still fall upon you? Did you find that doing nothing, was the best thing to do?

Have you ever been vilified for being honest? Were you honest because you thought you were helping? Did you feel guilty for not saying anything about anything sooner? Were you afraid that everything you ever felt for a certain person was gone, and that part of you might have been using them? Ever been vilified for being too nice, when you were so scared it was all lost?
Have you ever been afraid to let go of someone, because you thought they would disappear all together? What if you were afraid that you would forget everything? How about being isolated and alone even more that you were before...

Have you ever felt undervalued? By people who have self esteem issues, and can only seem to let go of themselves enough when the get drunk? How about finding out they want to use your friendship to take from people who have more than they do? What if you do not want to be used for profit?

Have you ever discovered the truth again? Finding that, after all this time, you are still the villain, you are still at fault, you are still the social retard that needs directions on what to do? Have you ever recognized how insecure everyone around you is? Have you ever recognized how people cope with their insecurity? One-up, when i was young, my daddy could throw your daddy over the moon, when in France, at my distant cousins mountain mansion, what a lovely day for a wedding, which is definitely better than staying in America, as a matter of fact, the physics behind it is quite simple and useful, congress is staffed by retards, North Korea are highly intelligent but unguided, you want to use a high speed flash and a color gel, now I've just got to sign up for classes, that reminds me of a story when I was in the Marines, just stop me from killing someone I love.

Have you ever had 2 trusts broken with one stone? Did you pretend nothing changed, while letting everything that could have been so beautiful, wither and rot? Are you still glad you did it after so much isolation?

Have you ever tried to shine so brightly, only to find the blind only have eyes for the train-wreck?

Have you ever slipped your mind long enough for someone to get close, use you, and slip away?

Have you ever listened to someone say one thing, and then watched them do something else? How many times have you watched this happen? How many time have they fallen, and how many times do they just do it again? How long until they realize, for the longest time, you have been there for them?
Have you ever suffered in silence, because it was the right thing to do?

Have you ever, had to stop, and let yourself recover from the rusty scars the world has left upon your heart? Are you too busy keeping the wounds fresh, to clean them so they can heal, at long last?

End Part 1...

They Call It, We Sing it.

We writhe, constantly, struggling for a comforting angle and an explosive release, which eludes our constant dance; our spasms are in vain, a hopelessly decadent self-deception, filled with our greatest desires and most significant fears.
Alas, we spin. We spin our own way, we crash and collide and bounce away. Nothing ever really stays the same. Our careless half heart pursuits managing, some how, to expand into a potentially serious situation for which we have not prepared, in anticipation for not really giving a flying fuck about the outcome in the first place, for being indifferent to the outcome. Not needing an outcome but applying by halves, then becoming alarmed when the pace steps up and unseen machinery chugs along.
Fate and choice intertwine. Some call it Karma, I call it the explicit inescapable reality. I am where I am because of my choices, but I could have made different choices. It is impossible to truly comprehend "what if" because each decision echos for an eternity, and after its done, you can not have done it any other way. Mistake or not, it's already been done, and only you could have done it the way you did it. Live with the regret or learn a lesson and improve.
Or let fate drive the car, just done be surprised when you find yourself on an island built with bad decisions, or in a ditch of existental crisis. Hell, it can be an existential crisis anywhere at any time. Don't ask the question if you really think you don't care about the answer. But don't fool yourself into thinking we can train the responses, be conditioned and altered to perfection.

Dr. Pill and his sexually deviant mistresses all agree, that the drug for you, is LSD.

Billboards preaching the end of civilization while civilization is distracted with glowing rectangles. All hail the all mighty rectangle.
Our Rectangle, who art from heaven, hallow be thy apps, thy browsing be done, An thy entertainment be done in church, as it is on the train. Give us this day, our daily distraction, And forgive us our firmware delinquency, as we forgive those who envy thee glowy rectangle. And lead us not into arguments with fanboys, but deliever us from arguments, for thine network connection is harder faster better stronger. Work It Harder Make It Better, Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger, More Than Ever Hour After, Our Work Is Never Over.

Drop the bass motherfucker. IF you don't... hell, I don't even want to think about what happens if you don't. That is a nightmare I am not willing to embrace as of yet. So feed me sexy imagery and sick beats, feed me your delusions and fantasies.

And now I think I'm done. For now. Never really done but the words just kind of trip over themselves. remember when i turned the lords prayer into a daft punk song? that was cool right?