Depressed?

Lately I've felt something strange. I'm tired constantly it seems. After the great highs of being told you are disease free, and quitting a job you had never really liked, perhaps the grinding realization that, I'm still not free from the things that bound me.

Money. Always about money. I've been wanting to write more. I bought a little tablet in hopes having something small and portable will encourage me to write without having to break my back. But i find myself missing my laptop. So I look into a new battery, since the current battery won't hold a charge for longer than 15 minutes. Trusted manufacture: $70 - Discounted battery: $50 - Cheap battery that may or may not work and you won't know until you waste money on it - $30.

So I'm thinking of going to a battery place locally, to see what they would recommend, and also another place to see how much replacing the bad-cells would cost....

Money money fucking money... The thing to free ourselves from our dependance, but also the very tool to enslave.

Speaking of more money, I want to create some art and possibly sell it. Need to buy supplies. Yay more money. I want to do wacky things that would make life beautiful. Money...

I'm tired of money. I really wish I could live without money. I wish I could just hang out with all my friends. Problem being, some of my choices, most of them, live far enough away I almost need to calculate gas mileage.

I guess depression is easy enough.

So lets summarize:

I want to write, but where I am I feel less than inspired. Traveling costs money. Being around friends seems to cost money.

Fuck money.

Fragility

Nerves, on edge. A sudden jolt, and away I go, to break in the dark.
A severe physical jolt could risk it, but the real risk hides in my emotional flux. Do I give a flux or not? Does something hurt or does it bounce? Is all I perceive just a suspicion? The shadow, of doubt?

Between a job I'm not sure I want, a major I'm not sure I'm good enough for, a potential loss of freedom, desiring to pursue things I've only imagined, hints of secret intentions and feelings, vital information withheld, and avoiding a painfully one way love triangle...

Actually, it makes sense. Everything is changing. I would say, is about to change, but I'm behind the times. Is this the time I break and shatter? Will I rise from the ashes?

Perhaps it is a good thing. The flames are daunting. Inviting. Dreams. The power to change everything.