Sometimes, Things are Okay the Way They Are

The past bit has been rough. Fighting through intense pulses of depression, a sharp up turn and then another drop. I've come to terms with myself; I've learned a lot about myself. Through criticism of my acting, to the realization that I am saturated by many hobbies, interests, and skills. To focus on only one, feels like I'm selling myself short. To focus on them all, there isn't enough time in the day.

But that is alright. I've stabilized the last few hours. Nothing lasts forever; life will happen, regardless of if you are along for the ride or not. Change happens.

Feelings might change. Nothing is really the way you think it is. You might now how things are in a moment, but why they are that way, is another level of understanding that can not truly be grasped. And that is okay.

My hope is, things get better, rather than worse. My hope for myself, is for me to see, and remember, that things can be okay, and I don't have to be the driving force at every step. If I want to be, I can be, but it is not a requirement of life or living.

A Little Something You Should Know

In our modern society of complete interconnectedness, we all have places where we hide the darker, the "unacceptable" feelings inherit in all of us. Some people openly complain on Facebook, bitch about things on twitter, write a blog and link it around.

But I, have this blog. I sometimes link it around, but very rarely. Most people don't know it exists. I write here to get things out of my system.

I don't want to share anything Facebook because, most people, don't care. We have become increasingly anti-feeling on the internet, as well as real life. You feel depressed? Dissatisfied with life? People don't want to hear about it on their news feed. Life is only happy, and if you aren't happy, you should probably be on medication.
Fuck that.

I hide things here. But it is not hidden. It exists. It is out there. Just lost in the shuffle. I vent here, my darker feelings, my unacceptable face in a world that only wishes to see a meaningless smile, if you can't pull a real one.

You are alone if you try to share feelings with strangers with the facade. And if you don't share anything because you assume that no one really gives a fuck, your friends will turn into strangers too.

Here I lie, victim of my own perception of the world.

I'm to the point I feel nothing really matters. And so, I'll probably mess with everyone's head. Honesty will flow forth, and people shall not know what to make of it. And maybe, just maybe, I'll feel better.