Today was beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful days I've experienced (though that is a lofty title).
Today wasn't perfect. I was sick. I did play video games when I should have done something productive, and the one project I half heartedly started, exploded. Literally. Good thing I was wearing safety glasses though!
But today was beautiful. I woke up early. Not my choice mind you, my body decided to HELL with sleep, I'm thirsty! I decided shortly there after to spend the day "getting better."
But I did get to see the sunrise. After reading a wonderful blog post about depression. A really good one. One that put into words and pictures and made light of something I have been struggling with for a while. It also occurred to me, that maybe I've been yo-yoing in and out of depression for much longer than I ever thought. It was funny, insightful, and struck a cord with me.
And in a brilliant move, of cosmic symbolism, that is right about the time the sun rose. Literally, the sun was shining in my eyes.
After finishing the blog post reading, and sharing it around, I noticed the way the light was shining in.
Me being awake before 9 is a decidedly rare occurrence. So seeing sunrises tend to mean a little more than sunsets. Both are beautiful, but I've seen far more sunsets.
Anyway, I took some light texture photos. Maybe I'll post them, maybe not. Either way, it was beautiful. The way the sun refracted through the transparent edge of the TV. beautiful the angle it came in, and shined through the open blinds. Beautiful the way shadows where cast.
In a very, obvious way, these events (now upon reflection) remind me of another sunrise so many years ago. I took photos of that event as well. But today's, was brighter, more vibrant, more alive.
I've come a long way. I realized that today. I have come a long way. This all added into the beautiful happenings
Later in the day, cloudy and grey, after a failed project start, etc, I took a nap. I knew I shouldbe at work in 30 minutes, but I decided to nap anyway.
And I over slept. A lot. I left about three and a half hours later than I normally do. It's fine; this job is laid back and cool. They don't care when exactly I get there, they just care that the work is done by the time the truck drivers have to leave the next morning. It all worked out though. Yesterday my coworker was late showing up, today I was late in showing up.
The later night drive on the way there, coincided with a local radio stations Tuesday Night Takeover show - mostly some form of electronic, with a tendency to down tempo, chill stuff. The sort of stuff that I've always enjoyed. The sort of thing that makes me experience life more vividly. When I parked at work, I noticed my odometer reading 228000. That has been happening to me more lately. I arrive someplace and notice a pattern, or rounded number. It is very interesting to me. I do take photos, of them, but I'm not entirely sure why. I've mused on the nature of every mile being important as the milestone ones. I guess it's that the milestones are a good way to mark the distance, and also remember all the miles before. I got out of my car and went inside.
The orders where pretty heavy so he had done quite a bit of the work already. I thanked him, and explained what happened. He understood, which was awesome. I put my headphones in and tuned my MP3 player to the radio station to stay up with Tuesday Night Takeover. My coworker probably finished about 15 minutes later, and left for home, which left me in the warehouse, alone.
Now, I've been alone before. I've been alone a lot. But this "alone" was only in a physical way. I was with the DJ at the radio station, as she played beautiful music and tried to expain how much certain songs mean to her. I was listening with her. I was listening with everyone else. I was enjoying the experience. I was happy. I was fully present.
After the orders where done, I walked around the warehouse with a dust mop, just to tidy up a little, and so I could keep listening and enjoying myself. After that, I locked up the warehouse, got in my car, and turned on the radio to keep listening.
On my way home, I heard many beautiful songs. But at some point, I started to cry.
Maybe part of it was congestion. Maybe I don't blink enough. Maybe I was deeply moved. Maybe a combination of all three. But I started to cry. Not sobbing, just tears. I smiled; it hit me just how beautiful everything is. How amazing today was, even though it might not be the most remarkable day ever. It was still, wonderful.
This is a day I want to remember forever. A day that was liberating. I did get better; but maybe not in the way I had intended. I hope I get physically better, by as my emotional and mental well being goes, I feel great.
Damn it feels good to be alive!
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