Once Upon a Blood Moon

Once upon a blood moon, I told you I loved you.
But I stumbled over my words, because I was so scared.

This wasn't the sort of thing I do normally.
But, it had been on my mind for a while.
We had started hanging out with each other, just each other, more and more.

We talked about our memories together. Oregon, and the Reflecting Pond.
The night before actually, I had told you I love the power of moonlight.

"It makes casts a pale blue light, that makes everything seem like a dream... It makes it seem like anything can happen..."

I had to repeat myself, if I recall. I was nervous. It had been on my mind a lot.
Hell, we had driven to the top of mountains, to look at the city.
We stopped, for just a moment. I wanted so badly to tell you how I felt, standing above the city, the lights laid out below us.
But I panicked, and we moved on. Again, later that night, I wanted to tell you.
Hell, we even drove on horror movie themed Lovers Lane.
How late did we stay up that night?
It was pretty normal for us to stay out pretty late, walking, and talking, or just driving.

Nothing like the night of the Blood Moon.
"I have something to tell you."
"ok"
Silence.
I held my breath. so did you. Then I laughed a little, but regained composure. I had to say it.
"My feelings for you have changed...."
"...in what way?"

I don't remember exactly what happened next. I got the point across.
You seemed angry, but kind of more, amused. I agreed to you needing to consider it.

There was a lot of history, and I knew I was responsible for a lot of pain.
But I felt light and happy. I had let something off my chest that I thought I never could.

My feelings had changed because I could let my guard down around you. You listened, and you sympathized. I could be vulnerable. I could be myself, and not some carefully convincing cardboard cutout.
No mask, no shame. Just, honesty.

You helped me believe in love again, when for a very long time I was so down and doubtful of love. You never let my cynical comments that "love isn't real" pass by unchallenged.

I believe in love now. I experience it daily. When I wake up and see your face next to me. When I cuddle up and you grasp my hand to hold it. We hold each other tight.

We don't fight, because we communicate. We don't need to explode to vent our grievances; we simply talk about the things that bother us.
Neither of us are perfect, but I'd argue, our acceptance and love for each other, just the way we are, is perfect in an imperfect way. It suits us.

We are two whole people, who shine brightly together. Not because we are completing each other, but because we are complimenting. A self-sustaining reaction, ever evolving and changing, entwining our experiences, sharing our time and our lives together.

I am here for you in the difficult times, and you are here for me. I want to help however I can. When you are down, I try to help you work through it, to help me understand, and maybe even help you understand it. And if I can make the right joke at the right time and make you smile when you've been crying, or have just been sad, it lights up my life. Your smile brings me so much joy.

I want to see you fly. I want you to achieve your dreams. And you tell me you want the same for me. I love that. I love you.

<3 Much love, from Ian, to Sydnee.

A Changed Mutant

I'm a mutant; I run on processed sugar, refined food stuffs, and anything that comes within nom-ing distance.
I'm a mutant; my body turned against a select part of itself, because it was... bored? (No, the scientists don't really know why) and now, I fight for everyday, because,
I'm a mutant; I see more than many people bother to see. Yes, I'm aware I used to write letters, in hopes the internet would find a way to mail them in. Yes, I'm aware I used to carve spite, and fright and fear, into a glowing mystical rectangle, full of fluids.
I still carve and polish that rectangle.
Because I'm a mutant; I can change my habbits, change my thoughts, change until I'm a better mutant amongst mutants.
I'm mighty, because I'm a mutant; I'm not an x-man, but as much a freak to freaks who think they aren't freaks, because they rocket around in steel, and wear synthetic, and natural fibers, woven to cover the state the mutants are born in.
I'm mighty as a mutant, for I had to fight to be proud of myself, when so many people just look down on themselves. Other egotists look down on others, but perspective is a funny thing, because looking down is just looking up, if you know what I mean.
I'm a mutant, and that's okay, I really do like it that way. Strive for acceptance, but never at the cost of me and my mutant ways.
I'm a mutant, with my caffeinated coffee, my taste for things not exactly sweet, not exactly bitter. Spice, and pure heat, the various ways to cook meat, the seasonings of seasons, and the subtleties I miss, as often as I notice.
I'm a mutant, and I like it that way. I create, for that is what gives my life meaning, instead of the hamster wheel I run in temporarily, so I can make ends meet. I'm figuring out a solution, for this condition called society, with thirsty sobriety, and sobering thirsts. With its greed and entitlement, from it's deviant norms, and drab deviants.

I'm a mutant, hear me roar, "You will not take from me, any more. I will create to spite, and destroy to build, I am whimsical, and mystical, and hysterical, on film." That last bit was non-sense, but it makes more sense than a lot of cents put together.
I'm a mutant, who ponders, wonders, "could we be happy, if we could stop killing, and stealing, from each other?"
I'm a mutant, who watches the antics of romantics, and wonder if its true that love is what blinds, or if it is desperation to not be alone.
I'm a mutant, because I learned to be okay with being alone, and finding that I'm never really alone.
I'm a mutant, who's learned to live in the present, when I used to live forever in a future, I could never quite get to from where my body was living.
I'm a mutant, and I'm happy about it. Different, and deviant. Mutant, and Me.